Day 8: Gabriel, My Gift

Today's my youngest son's 6th birthday...

...and the first time I won't get to be there for his birthday :(

I am blessed that my kids understand. So blessed.

Too blessed that I can't believe God blessed me with such supportive, understanding kids.

God is amazing like that.

Happy Birthday, my Gabriel! You're growing way too fast! I remember writing this about you when you were only 2! May the Lord bless and keep you; may He use you for His glory. Actually, He has already used you in my life to bless me, and He continues to do so. You cheer me up when I'm feeling down, you give me a glass of warm milk in your sippy cup when I'm in tears, you give me a glass of cold water when I'm tired. You're refreshing like that, just like your big brother. I love you very, very much. And, I miss you terribly.

Day 7: The Gift of Pampering

Got my hands and feet pampered today at the Nail Spa; the pedicure was a gift from a friend, and the manicure was...well...my own gift to myself. I don't think the manicure was worth the price, but I'll be thankful, anyway.

Church tonight was great--a message from a missionary doctor to the Micronesian Islands. He talked about the things that are choking us up, the things that inhibit us from being fruitful, the things that need to be uprooted out of our lives...by God's grace.

He shared how he had bought a few acres of land on one of the islands. Trees inhabited that parcel of land--and abundantly so. So much so that they were quite matted and it was very difficult to see the land and where to build the future house. One by one, he cut down and hauled off the trees. Then, he found a tree different from among the rest, one with thorns, overgrown, and in the place of where he had wanted to build his house. He thought it could probably be a citrus tree, so instead of cutting it down, he chopped off the excess branches and weeds enveloping it so that the sun could actually shine through. He removed the other trees surrounding it, and started to fertilize the soil around it.

He started pampering the neglected tree that was choking from all of the other things wrapped around it!

Soon, leaves started to sprout out of the branches. He patiently waited for the fruit, not sure of what it was just yet. As the days went by, the tree started to bare much fruit!

Lime!

He loved lime juice! He made enough for himself, his family, and soon enough, for the neighbors in the community! A lot of people began to benefit from this once-neglected tree that no one even knew about!

The tree had essentially been dead, but with much pampering, it grew and bare fruit...enough to satisfy a lot of people around it.

Wow.

We could be like that tree, choking from all of the cares of this world.

We could also choose to be like that missionary, who chose to pamper that tree, and later share its blessings. A gift that keeps on giving...

I know I have plenty "cares of this world" that are choking up the beauty that God intended to do in my life--His beauty to show in and through me. I have allowed the many "cares of this world" to envelop me, thus making it difficult for the rays of His blessed sunshine to shine on me.

But, like that lime tree, I will not lose hope.

Much work still needs to be done, but nothing will get done if we don't ever choose to get started. And, the very first step is to "seek him first" (Matthew 6:33).

Overwhelming, yes.

Discouraging, yes.

Disheartening, yes.

But, this I know...

"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."
Philippians 4:13

Day 6: A Good Matter

God blessed me with another awesome day today.

Started the day talking to my family over the phone.

Then, spent the evening working for my former employer and old friends.

Had Thai food followed by Filipino food.

Ended the day with my favorite mochi ice cream with an old friend.

"My heart is inditing a good matter: I speak of the things which I have made touching the king: my tongue is the pen of a ready writer."
Psalm 45:1

Day 5: The Gift of Today

Today, someone blessed me with the gift of today.

God blessed me with that someone.

Today was a very beautiful day.

Day 4: An Open Door

I met a new friend.

It has been refreshing to meet new friends in the last three weeks: first, in Bangkok, then in Los Angeles, and now, with my former-now-present-secondary employer. Food seems to always have been the connecting factor :)

Not to sound utilitarian, but these people have helped me get through a difficult phase in my personal life. It's nice to have broken away from the rut that has been formed in my life over the last couple of months, even but for a moment.

A good friend told me,
"People come into your life for a reason, for a season, for a lifetime."

So, whether these new friends will be a part of me only for a season or for a lifetime, I know they came into my life for a reason. And -- for that, I will be thankful.

I may never see them, again, for we all live in different places (Cambodia, Virginia, and Hawaii) and tend to bounce from one place to the next. We may even lose touch, yet I'm just grateful that some way, somehow, they got to be a friend to me when I needed one the most.

I'm glad I kept an open door for new friendships.

But then...

I got to thinking:
Open doors are not just for new friends but for old ones as well.

Are we just friends with someone when it's convenient? When it's fun? When it's productive?

Are we just fair-weather friends?

Do we stop being friends as soon as our old friend stops being a friend to us?

Do we stop being friends now that we've just made new ones?

I'd argue that most times, that's when our "hostile friend" needs us the most. We don't need to smother, we don't need to always be physically present, we don't need to constantly call or write -- that may just make the other person more annoyed.

Sometimes, the best thing to offer to a hurting friend is the reassurance of an open door.

I was that hurting friend once. I was that hurting daughter. And, I was so desperately though quietly searching for that open door.

I eventually found that door...somewhere else.

And, it wasn't even the right door.

Thankfully, God provided another door, a way to escape--though many years later.

"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it."
1 Corinthians 10:13

Let's save our hurting friends from entering the wrong doors.

As we make new friends, let's keep in mind not to be fair-weather friends.

I didn't say, be a doormat.

Doormats are for outside of the house, outside the door.

When hurting friends are being rude, hurtful, and treating us like doormats, then that's right where they should stay--outside, with the doormat. We don't have to be that doormat.

We don't need to force them back in, if all they are ready for is to be "on the doormat". We don't even need to meet them there.

But once they decide on their own to come back in because they saw that our door was never closed to begin with, they have shown humility. It may not be apparent outwardly, but their mere actions say it loudly.

When the Prodigal Son returned home to his father, his father didn't condemn him. Instead, he accepted his son with open arms, with warmth, with love, and with a merry heart.

Let's offer our hurting friends the love, warmth, and reassurance of an open door and a merry heart to come home to--to find safety, to find grace, to find God.

Oh that our friends--old and new--may find God's beauty...through us.

Oh to be a part of that beauty.

A beauty that is rare.

A beauty that is heavenly: an open door.

Day 3: Becoming More Beautiful

Some women say that beauty = revenge, especially for the men who have wronged them. When a woman recovers from a past hurt, it is said that she becomes even more beautiful.

Beauty is undoubtedly a man's weakness; God wired men to be visual that way. Add a genuine, radiant smile to that beauty and you've got these men weak at the knees. It doesn't really matter if the smile is directed at them or at some dancing butterfly.

While I do not use external beauty or a smile to exploit a man's weakness, I realized today that beauty can be created and used a different way--certainly not for revenge. Another wrongdoing doesn't correct or justify a man's wrongdoing, whether that man did it intentionally or unintentionally.

Beauty, when abused, can and will be lost.

I used to be appalled at men who would say that they are attracted to my beauty. You just can never tell the frog from the prince, and I don't really know if I'm willing to kiss too many frogs before I get to finally meet that prince!

Because of this, I have mistakenly deprived myself of appreciating the beauty that God has blessed me with--didn't He make all things beautiful? :) Instead, I have been "hiding" that beauty, and I haven't really made an effort to develop it externally or internally. I have resorted to my "default look", inside and out. I never wanted to attract any attention, as men's fleeting glances or blatant stares have caused my brain to signal, "Danger, danger!"

Now, I have decided to no longer be bothered by such looks of admiration--it doesn't matter if such a look is coming from a knight in shining armor or from just another would-be-jerk (or frog, whichever is worse). As long as I respond to such advances or ignore them with grace and modesty (and class, of course), I no longer have to employ my self-preservation tactics. I no longer have to be afraid. I no longer have to be upset. I no longer have to hide.

I'd say let them appreciate the beauty that God has created. And if, in the process, they prove to be just like the rest and not the best, if they end up hurting me again just like the very few men of my past (whether intentionally or unintentionally, directly or indirectly), then they have unknowingly blessed me with yet another opportunity to become even more beautiful...

...Oh, to become more beautiful...

...Not just externally, but more so, internally.

One argues, "How?"

I can pray for them. Every single one of them.

...Starting from the very first one who has ever wronged me...starting from the ones whom I never let into my life in the first place, to the very few who made it to my heart or its periphery at some point in my life. Recent or otherwise.

To pray without hatred, without spite, without blame...but only with love, compassion, and grace...

...God's love. God's grace. God's gift.

...And God holds the key to my heart.

"But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;" Matthew 5:44

I refuse to let them make me look ugly. I refuse to let them infect my merry heart.

Instead, I can quietly thank them for giving me additional opportunities to become even more beautiful while bringing God the glory.

There is great power in a meek and quiet but thankful spirit.

I will smile, anyway. I will be beautiful, anyway.

Beautiful inside and out--a beauty that nobody can take away from me.

A beauty that will never fade. A beauty that's only from above.

Beautiful in God's eyes.

Day 2.5: The Gift of a Merry Heart

Today, I asked God to give me a thankful spirit regardless of my emotions--and He blessed! I'm so glad I asked!!! I'm so glad I turned to Him! This reminds me of my blogpost from nearly 3 years ago when I wrote the song, "All I Need", when I was hurting so deeply...and nobody knew.

God is showing me how a spirit of thanksgiving gives way to the power of healing. God knows I have been hurting; but today, He has blessed me with healing...and the gift of a merry heart!

I may remember the pain again tomorrow--but I'm going to take His dosage of a merry-heart-medicine on a day-to-day basis for as long as He sees fit. Prescription refills are always good, and I'm glad He never runs out of the supply of grace!

"A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones."
Proverbs 17:22

My "happy pill" radiated through my smile, my actions, my attitude--and by God's grace, it affected others at work on my first day back with my former employer. Yes, the caffeine surely helped a bit, especially during an all-day orientation for new hires, but still...God's gift of cheerfulness was contagious.

Seeing familiar faces, even the same UPS guy from 10 years ago, brought a smile to my face...or even the same faces of people whom I had always seen at the food court since I was 21...and even receiving a compliment that I looked like Jackie O with my big sunglasses on!

I know I blogged about this statement once before (or more): "Hurting people are hurtful people; love them, anyway."

While it is true that "hurting people are hurtful people" for the most part, I just learned and experienced this today:

Hurting people can still be cheerful people.
Only by the grace of God...it's a choice that we constantly and consciously need to make.

A merry heart heals.

And that - in and of itself - is a miracle.

And again, I write - As with the many stories in the Bible:
The miracle came after the giving of thanks.

The pain is definitely still there; but God has sent a ray of sunshine to kiss my cheeks and give it a radiant, cheerful glow that no one can take away from me today. Only by His grace...

I will smile, anyway.

Grace.

If God were to ever bless me with another baby one day--and if it were to be a baby girl, I'll give her the middle name of Grace.

Day 2: Re-opened Doors

"Yea, mine own familiar friend, in whom I trusted, which did eat of my bread, hath lifted up his heel against me." Psalm 41:9

I remember reading this verse 2.5 years ago when I was struggling with the fact that God had slammed the door shut about going back to work for my previous employer. It was very unusual, I came very close to the point of even having my own parking space and everything else, but God had clearly closed the door.

A few months later, I ended up getting a job with my preferred employer. I had always wanted to work for this employer but had ended up accepting a job offer with my former employer ten years ago, since the phone call from my preferred employer (to recruit me vs offer me a job) came in a day late.

While working for my former employer many years back, I had always wished I had a "main job" somewhere else so that I could work for my former employer on a part-time, on-call status, since their part-time jobs paid fairly well. That was just a "side wish" of mine.

Alas! God never forgets.

Today, I not only have a "main job" with my preferred employer; I also have a part-time job with my former employer! God blessed me with what I had "casually" asked for many, many years ago.

Now, I see: When God closes (or in my case, slams) a door shut, it doesn't always mean that the door will be closed forever.

I'm glad that by His grace, I did not burn any bridges with my former employer, regardless of the injustice that was done to me. Now, I get to come back to them via a much better arrangement, an improved relationship, a win-win for all.

It simply wasn't time.

Now, it is. It's God's time. God's gift.

Then, early this morning, Satan attacks with feelings of abandonment, unfairness, loss of love. But just then, a cool whisper from above envelops me. I refuse to let such negative feelings steal my joy, my thankfulness, my peace that can only come from above.

On my knees, I begin to pray. This time, not asking for anything, but rather, with thanksgiving--despite the negative feelings that wanted to steal my heart-felt smile away.

I will smile, anyway.

As with the many stories in the Bible:
The miracle came after the giving of thanks.

I so want that miracle.

As God re-opened the doors to working for my former employer, again, so can He re-open other doors that are close to my heart. His way. His time. His choice. His best.

Until then, may I be able to live life fully, see His beauty, and be a part of that beauty.

I will smile, anyway.

***Update: As I was going through my old blogposts, I saw how my first attempt to return to my previous employer was dated nearly 3 years ago. God never forgets, even when I already have.***

Day 1: A Beautiful Experience

It's October yet again. Exactly three years ago, I embarked upon a 20-day campaign. This year, I'll embark upon a 45-day campaign as something is about to take place at the end of such a period. The campaign is about enjoying life's gifts, albeit God's gifts, while being a blessing to others--even when I'm the one who is in need of encouragement at this very moment.

Today, I decided to re-enact what happened last October as I was talking with God about my personal life and asked Him to fill in the blanks. Direction. I guess now I know better--who needs direction? All I have to do is follow. As I walked from my condo to the nearest McDonald's to have "lunch for breakfast", Southwest Chicken Salad to be exact, God enabled me to enjoy the scenery of my busy neighborhood. There's still beauty to be seen along the sidewalks: I noticed the colors of autumn in Hawaii, even if we really don't have such a thing here; I found a pomegranate tree; I also found the same baby shoes from last year hanging up on a cable wire.

During my walk, I "stumbled upon" my brother who was doing his laundry, happily content doing so. Just watching him (yes, I guess I should've helped) fold the clothes taught me a lot--and even if what he's got is something I wish I had, I still didn't end up doing my laundry today. I did enjoy the quality time with him during his laundry time.

Then, I discovered a beautiful blog called A Holy Experience. It is a blog by a Farmer's wife who is a mother to half a dozen beautiful children. She homeschools each one of them, and with that, she is blessed with the richness of staying at home with them, seeing them grow, and watching them enjoy the beauty of nature all around them--catching dragonflies, chasing herons, and enjoying the fruits of the trees in their orchard. She has a beautiful life, a beautiful family--then I realized, beauty is what we make it. Beauty is what we choose to see. Beauty is what we choose to live. When God looked at His Creation, He said it was "good". Yes, we as sinners may mess up this beautiful world, and it only gets more messed up, but it is a choice to still see the beauty around it--and more importantly, be a part of that beauty.

As I listened to the tune playing in the background while reading the blog, I was inspired to play some random tunes on my own electronic piano, as God has blessed me with the gift of music--to be able to compose music on the spot and play the piano by ear. I really should spend more time basking in the beauty of the music that God has given me while letting others share in on the experience...rather than keeping it all to myself when I tuck myself away in isolation.

The author of the blog happens to be the author of One Thousand Gifts, a New York Best Seller. My friend had told me about this book, and I asked her to accompany me to the bookstore to buy the book. Instead, she invites me to dinner with her family, who also happens to be my extended family from church. I accepted her kind invitation, and our other friend who also joined us for dinner just so happened to have the book, and she let me borrow it for a week.

Dinner near the North Shore was amazing, the company was amazing, the food was amazing, and so was the coffee from next door.

Today was simply a beautiful day--and though I have been hurting, and though I have been on my knees crying, and though I had spent most of the morning just sleeping the day away so that the pain would go away...God still blessed...and beautifully so...with such grandeur and musical overtures, my heart is overflowing with love and blessings...to the extent that I'm able to reply kindly to those who have been unkind.

If we focus less on ourselves and more on God, and more on His blessings, we will be able to see the beauty of His work all around us -- and miraculously so, we can be a part of such grand beauty.

October Notes

There's always something about April and October in the story of my life - always a combination of pain, sorrow, and joy. Through it all, God is, was, and always will be...there.

I took some notes during last night's church service, and thought I'd share. I'm pretty sure I'll need to come back to these notes one of these days, if not every day. Oh, may He wipe my sadness away.

• Sometimes, God asks you to do what doesn't make sense.
• Sometimes, the things that we are afraid of the most end up being the things that are the easiest to do.
• Most times, what He asks you to give back, He gives right back.
• God won't take anything away that's not good for you.
• It's not about your ability; it's about your availability.
• What does God have to do to get your attention?
  

Waiting Again

And again, I am learning to wait...but not just to wait...but to wait on Him.

...And that I learn to have peace and joy while waiting on Him.