Sunday, May 29, 2011

Paperwork Avalanche

Buried in an avalanche of paperwork, with more on the way. I need to get my act together!

Once upon a time, I thought I had a good handle on things. I had even the most seemingly unimportant things down to a formula. I'm serious. Then, I got burned out to the point that I act as if I do not care (when I secretly do).

Thankfully, God reminded me about Philippians 4:6 as I was typing the last sentence of the second paragraph above.

"Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God."

Here's an attempt to parse this out:

  1. "For nothing"

    In this Scripture verse, to "be careful" means to "be anxious". And it says to be anxious "for nothing". If I were to remove myself from the situation, I can objectively say that such "nothingness" is inclusive of the trouble that I had caused and continue to cause due to my own neglect--it does not matter if it's a result of being overwhelmed due to lots and lots of changes that have brought about "cumulative, unprocessed stress". What am I worrying about then?

  2. "In everything"

    It simply says to pray about everything. Using deductive reasoning:

    "Once we start praying about everything, we do not and should not need to worry about anything."


    In the process of composing this blogpost, I am being enlightened to see the cause of my worries: I have not been praying about "every thing".

  3. "With thanksgiving"

    Okay, I am guilty as charged on this one. I may pray and thank God for the blessings that He has given me; yet, when I'd utter my requests, I'd justify them with a sense of dissatisfaction about my current situation. I'm starting to sound like the Israelites complaining about their manna. God had essentially delivered their groceries to their doorsteps, yet they continued to fuss and complain. God had shown them that He indeed can provide "a table in the wilderness", and all they had to do was obey. God had used this situation to teach them how to be humble, and they had failed. Miserably. On that note, I feel that I, too, am failing miserably at being thankful and humble. I need to start uttering my prayer requests with a thankful spirit--"with thanksgiving".

Obviously, I have failed everything on this "test". I have been anxious about a lot of things, I have not been praying about everything, and I have not been thankful in the very few moments that I do utter and make my requests known unto God. The Bible says that we should pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17), and that, I have not been doing. I have been focusing on the wrong thing--that is, worrying about the small stuff (you know, the things that have been causing my stress) vs. focusing on the big stuff (my relationship with God). God is definitely bigger than my problems; but, if I am to keep on amplifying and magnifying my problems as if they were bigger than God, then I'd be on my way to a downward worrisome spiral. On the other hand, if I were to magnify God, my problems would look a lot smaller. Hence, I'd be able to be anxious about nothing!

I started this blogpost simply to vent. I'm glad that each time I'd write on here, God would prick my heart with a timely Scripture verse to convict me to get back on track. Getting back on track--hmmm, I remember that blogpost from 3 years ago!


Saturday, May 14, 2011

A Song About Dad

[Father's Day is fast approaching. This song is for Dad. He passed away in 1994.]

It was in 1907
It was the year he was born
Oh, I just can't imagine
What it was like back then

And he told me these stories
From the 1930's
It was the Great Depression
They sold apples back then

People selling their houses
Living cold on the streets
Daddy knew this was coming
And he always had something to eat

Many things has he taught me
Many things have I seen
Even though when he left me
I was struggling within
When he held out his hand
On his deathbed to show
"I will love you forever
But, it's time to go..."

I remember the time when
I was six years old then
He had bought me a puzzle
To learn each State's capital

He made me put them together
With my eyes closed to wonder
If I'd finish it faster
With each piece facing down

I remember each President
From beginning and back
Daddy knew I could do better
And made me think even harder

Many things has he taught me
Many things have I seen
Even though when he left me
I was dying within
When he held out his hand
On his deathbed, I know
He would hold me forever
But, it's time to let go...

I don't want to let go...

Dad...

I wish I had hugged you tight that night
I wish I had never left your sight
You reached out your hand
But I kept mine
Because I had thought
"It's not yet time..."

It's time...
Oh, it's time...

Many things has he taught me
Many things have I seen

Oh, it's time...

I will love you forever
It's okay to let go....

Oh, it's time...

Saturday, May 7, 2011

A Song for Mom

[I wrote this song for my mom for Mother's Day]

Mom, I'm so sorry
For all the heartache
Now, it's but a memory
I don't want to recreate
Now that I've grown
I have seen the love you shown
I wish that I had known this from the start

Thank you, Mom, for loving me
I know that you'll be there for me
Through all the good times and the bad
I know you've always prayed for me
I wish that I had known this from the start
But now, I feel
The love that's in your heart

Mom, please forgive me
For all the agony
I've said things I shouldn't have
If only I could take them back
Now that I'm grown
And now that my own kids are born
I wish that I could love them with your heart

Thank you, Mom, for loving me
I know you've always cared for me
Through all the good times and the bad
I know you've always stood by me
I wish that I had seen this from the start
But now, I see
We're always in your heart

And I just thank our dear God
For this sweet second chance
To show you how much you mean to us
Across the miles that sever us

Mom, I'm so sorry..

I wish that I had shown you from the start
But now I see
I clearly see
We're always in your heart

Now I know
I hope you know
You're always in my heart