For some reason, April has been momentous for me since the year 2000. If I were to copy/paste the sequence of events every April following my very first blog post in April 2008, it would look like this:
April 2000: College Graduation
April 2001: Got married
April 2002: Diego was born
April 2005: Marriage Ended (Divorce finalized a year later)
April 2007: New career in Orlando
April 2008: Another New Beginning
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April 2009: Accepted a job offer with my previous employer only for the deal to fall through
April 2010: Decided to temporarily leave my children in Florida
April 2011: A milestone - something my boyfriend and I have discussed
Yes, you read that right. I now have a boyfriend. Finally. As I resurrected this blog after having read all of my previous blog posts, I saw how seemingly opposed I was to the idea. I may say that I'm open to it at certain sections of certain blog posts, only to be followed by another one that counters it. For some reason, I can't seem to remember how I was back then, especially as it related to being in a relationship. All of this changed since December 8, 2010; and, I don't really want to look back.
However, I do remember receiving lectures mainly from my closest friends and family whenever it comes to dealing with men (or suitors, to be exact). They have seen many guys show interest, only to find out that I have turned them away--intentionally and unintentionally (mostly intentionally). If unintentionally, it's because I really wasn't interested. Curious, maybe, due to the prodding of friends and family. Perhaps, I was just being compliant but secretly non-compliant. The thing is, I keep being told that I shouldn't treat guys a certain way, that I should open up more--and to say the least, give them a chance. In my head, I'd say, "Not a chance," or... "Fat chance." Yes, sarcastic at best. In my head, I thought: "If it's meant to be, it's meant to be, even if I were to mess up in my "dealings" with him (according to the standards of my friends and family re: fundamental courtship)...I don't need to adjust my ways and act like someone who I am clearly not. If God gives me a boyfriend, then I'll have one. No pressure." I continued to have this mindset for a while re: having a boyfriend--didn't ask for one, didn't search for one, didn't long for one.
Then the unexpected happened. I suddenly announced in December 2010 that I finally have a boyfriend! Everyone seemed shocked! Friends and family never heard me talk about him as much as I would talk about other guys. Well, that's because I'd only tell them about guys whom I don't really like or at best, uncertain about. They'd either try to talk me into it or tell me it's not worth it. Here's the thing: Not liking my boyfriend wasn't the issue; being uncertain about him wasn't the issue, either. Therefore, I did not need to talk to them much about him. Best of all, I did not have to change anything about myself just to be in this relationship. I did not have to think about being "more open", neither did I have to worry about "giving him a chance". It all just happened...naturally. And, I was the least suspecting, therefore I got to be myself all the more.
One thing that's special about us is that we have known each other since we were kids. What's interesting is that he has a part in the very first "April" of my timeline above--that is, my college graduation in 2000. That's when we saw each other last. I had no idea he liked me. What's even better? The last item on my timeline, the "milestone", is all about him, too. He's the first and last item on my April timeline so far, and in case you're wondering, that's all unintentional.
I mainly wrote this blog post to reflect. I hadn't blogged anything in 2010 on here. You see, I had different goals for 2010, and I had gone through the year thinking that I had wasted it. Not being able to get my kids back in the Fall (although they already had return flights, which we wasted, by the way) due to work contract uncertainties was a big factor that added to my disappointment. Instead of being thankful for my R&R from motherhood, I have grown weary, despite the fact that they are being well taken care of and well provided for by my family.
In addition, I finally have a job that I had never dreamed possible--a job that most people envy. It is a job that allows me to use my imagination, my creativity--one that fuels my adventurous spirit and that of others. It is a job with a top-tier company, an assignment with a prestigious client, a functional role that's in hot demand, a job title that sounds kinda nice, with flexible hours and work arrangements to boot. If I were to add an extra layer of detail, dare I say that I am currently dual-hatted and both assignments are equally coveted. Yet, I forget the significance of this every single time.
I continue to carry over the dissatisfaction of 2010 into 2011, when I had just named 3 BIG blessings that God has so graciously given me in 2010. These "gifts" are among the most important things in my life, next to God, namely: a great relationship with my boyfriend, wonderful childcare, and gainful and meaningful employment. If anything, I should be very, very happy that I have all three gifts "in tact". If one of these were to get "dislodged" or "displaced", I'd be beyond distraught. I really should be thanking God for these major blessings rather than stressing over the problems that are not as important. It's difficult to be thankful when even just one thing isn't going your way--well, at least that is the case for a brat like me. On that note, I now feel extremely blessed that my boyfriend, my children (as well as my mom and my extended family), and my employer have been very patient and gracious with me--and more importantly, that God has been very loving and kind, in spite of me.
I should focus more on being thankful and less on the fact that I don't seem to have the same level of control that I used to have in my situation. Such control is but a false perception because truthfully, God is in control. He just wants me to be responsible--which is, by the way, difficult to do when you're being unthankful. God even made a way for me to stop being so unthankful by giving me the greatest gift I could ever receive in 2010--my boyfriend. He makes me SO happy :)
Digging deeper:
Everything happens for a reason.
- If I hadn't moved out of Hawai'i to move to Florida, I would not have gained the experience required to have my current job in Hawai'i.
- If I hadn't gotten this job in Hawai'i, I wouldn't probably be on Facebook (my job requires me to be on Facebook).
- If I hadn't been on Facebook, I probably would have not reconnected with my boyfriend (as he only joined Facebook to keep in touch with friends after relocating).
- If I hadn't temporarily left my kids in Florida, I would not have come to the realization that I actually want a complete family--which then led to the openness of being in a relationship.
- If I hadn't temporarily left my kids in Florida, it would have probably taken a lot longer to get to know my boyfriend in the same depth that I know him now.
- If it hadn't been for all of these trials, I probably would not be open to moving on to the next chapter of my life. I probably would have just stayed in my "comfort zone".
Life is always going to have its discomforts. I should worry less about them; instead, I should be thankful that God has blocked many of them from getting in my way. Better yet, I should learn to fully enjoy the blessings He has placed right in front of me. On top of it all, I love my God, I love my boyfriend, I love my children and my extended family, and I love my job--and, I have them all.
Here's to a new mindset, a new heart, a new chapter--yes, another new beginning, and in this case, a beautiful beginning :)
