For the past 27 years of my life, a good chunk of it had been spent outside of the home. There would be times I'd be home for dinner (usually prepared by someone else or something I had purchased at a nearby drive-thru). I'd say I had legitimate reasons: school, sports, church activities, work, kids' activities, travel...
Such a lifestyle hinders domestication, a word often scoffed at by quite a few ambitious women...regretfully, myself included. While I certainly have nothing against those women (and men) who have developed such admirable traits, I would always give the excuse that such a trait isn't for me. I know my weaknesses.
Outside of work, I'd typically lug my children along. Gabriel started flying with us when he was only 6 weeks old, the soonest possible time an infant is allowed to travel. He did pretty well from Honolulu to Orlando. Diego started flying with us at 9 months, and because he had a cold suppressed by medication at the time, he did just fine from Honolulu to D.C. Last month was quite an adventure: a road trip from Orlando to Louisiana. Anti-boredom activities included resting at McDonald's Play Places for every state border that we crossed, stopping at the beautiful beaches of Pensacola Beach, Florida, and Orange Beach, Alabama, as well as hearing me fight with my GPS while getting lost in Alabama, and even watching as I got pulled over by some ranger in Mississippi for speeding. 86 on 65. Great.
Tomorrow marks our 30th day of being back in Honolulu. With God's clear leading, we decided not to take that return flight to Orlando this past Saturday. Right now, Orlando sounds more comfortable and convenient, with 2 places to stay, a nice 'n comfy ride (yes, I left my SUV there), guaranteed parking (which is almost non-existent in Honolulu), and more family (especially my mom) to help take care of the kids whenever needed...oh, and FREE passes to Disney to entertain the kids. Hmm, sounds like a similar situation I chose to leave 2 years ago while living in Honolulu: 2 places to stay, 2 guaranteed parking stalls of my choice with only 1 car, a great job with great benefits that allowed me to have a babysitter full-time and send Diego to a nearby Christian school...what else could I possibly ask for?
And now, the 3 of us are here on an island, still without a job, but never without God: One Who hears, One Who answers, One Who cares, One Who Provides...and so much more! Having God is enough.
The job I had been hoping for fell through this past Friday. The one whom I had least expected to receive spiritual encouragement from, spoke at the right time. Diego, my 6-year-old, interjects, "God probably said, 'No, that's not the one!'" It would have been so tempting to catch that return flight to Orlando on the very next day!
I know God has something in store for us here. For me, personally - well - for starters, a course that's been long overdue: Domestication. According to my standards, I have been stuck at home for the last 30 days...by choice. Having no unrestricted cash flow during such an economy restricts me from paying for such conveniences such as eating out each day, etc. Just check out the local prices in Hawaii for eating out, you'll know what I mean. Since we have been here, I have prepared all 3 meals for the 3 of us and sometimes for my brother and his family - breakfast, lunch, and dinner. This means washing the dishes for all 3 meals, setting up, cleaning up, etc. Oh, did I mention the laundry? I can now say, this is the hardest job, ever (regardless of the delegation of responsibilities to minors)! Kudos to those stay-at-home moms who can do all of this, every single day, and still say at the end of the day: "I love my kids and I can't stop talking about them!" Hey, I'm just being transparent.
So, who ever said I'm jobless after all? I've actually got the greatest job God has ever given women: motherhood. Okay, this and fulfilling the Great Commission.
Anyway, imagine a very driven, undomesticated, unemployed, Generation Y female who has hardly cooked a decent meal and who barely knows where everything is situated around the house (due to a busy lifestyle and moving at least 7 times locally and coast-to-coast in the last 3 years...real estate investing does that to you), now having to stay home with 2 little boys trying to figure out how and what to feed them every single day...and what do you get???
Here a 4 different "modes":
A) A grateful single mother who is humbled by God's salvation, God's abundant blessings of not having to work so many jobs just to make ends meet (thus not getting to spend any time at all with the children), having the best family and friends who are ready to help, having a caring church family here and in Orlando, having all 3 properties occupied and mortgages paid in full, on time, and seeing them well-maintained, having a car (that runs and has A/C) to borrow for free, staying with family rent-free and having access to the coolest electronics including the Wii, having parents that pray for me daily, what else??? I can't think of any more words that rhyme at the moment.
B) A numb, desensitized, and indifferent creature with no reaction
C) A bratty, impatient, hot-tempered "27-year-old child" whose eyes are now opened to her children's imperfections (and hopefully her own) and having to clean up after them and put out fires, while juggling many other activities to "ensure smooth operations" around the house, thus having the tendency to lash out and deliver a nasty, cold-hearted 2-cent-speech. Whew!
D) Abandonment, a total and silent detachment with no more emotions invested.
My Answers:
- When operating "in the flesh", my default setting would be mode (B).
- When operating "in the flesh" and put under severe temperatures, it would be mode (C).
- When operating "in the Spirit", it's mode (A).
- At this time, there is no need to discuss (D), by God's grace.
In such situations, I really need a reliable compass (in this generation, a GPS). I need to know where north is. I need direction. God's message this past Sunday at Ohana Baptist Church was about God's compass and our integrity. Wikipedia defines integrity as: "an undivided or unbroken completeness or totality with nothing wanting". The sample sentence was: "The integrity of the nervous system is required for normal development ." Wow.
If you're naturally stubborn like me, I don't always listen to my GPS (my cousin, Christine, named her Maggie, because it's a Magellan). Only when I realize that I'm totally lost would I start paying very, very close attention to what Maggie has to say. It would have been better to have listened (or paid attention) to her in the first place! The GPS isn't always reliable when it comes to giving the best directions, but GOD IS, was, and always will be! The message on Sunday really knocked a big question into my thick skull, "Am I really seeking God first in my life? Or, am I exhausting my own strength to find security for my family and simply asking God to rubberstamp it?" Remember: Proverbs 3:5-6, Matthew 6:33, and Psalm 23:1, just to name a few!
Just after this Aha moment, Satan strikes, again! This morning, I found myself operating in Mode (C), again! God's Spirit quickly convicted me, so I turned to my spiritual compass/GPS, God's Word.
It says in James 1:19b,"...Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:"
Yes, in that order!
Slow to wrath addresses Mode B (my default setting)
Slow to speak addresses Mode C (my unstable, combustible setting)
Swift to hear addresses Mode A (my ideal setting)
Perhaps, if I used my 5 senses more (my Myers-Briggs results=low in sensing, high in intuition), i.e. "swift to hear," "Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good", etc., I'd find myself in Mode (A) more often. Notice how "talking" isn't one of the five senses.
So, if you were in my shoes - or even if you weren't - ask yourself:
- What would be your default setting?
- What is your ideal setting, based on God's standards?
- After identifying the gap, how do you plan to reach your ideal setting every second/minute/hour of each day?
- Do you have your spiritual GPS closeby?
In life, you never know when you're going to get lost in some rough terrain. Be prepared.
