Unmet Expectations

I could be wrong, but I feel I have very simple/minimal/basic expectations of people whom I've chosen to care about (truthfully, I don't even have any expectations whatsoever of those who aren't close to me). The downside to this is that, when such seemingly simple expectations are unmet after a seemingly reasonable period of time, I get frustrated. Being innately expressive and/or direct doesn't help during such times of frustration, especially when the object of one's frustration happens to be a sensitive individual. My natural tendency would either be to a) tell it as it is, without any regard for the other person's feelings, or b) dismiss the situation, withdraw, and discontinue investing any more time and/or emotion into the matter or worse yet, the person.

My logic would reason that I've already invested enough valuable resources and during the (due) process, opened myself up beyond my perceived level of comfort to allow the other person to open up so that I can see more clearly through his/her lens. It's difficult for me to process information without the right amount of timely feedback (for me, negative feedback is good feedback because it's still feedback, whereas no feedback can be easily misinterpreted as silent rejection) because this leads to making assumptions, and I hate making assumptions because this not only increases chances of error, it is also very time-consuming. Who likes making mistakes and wasting lots of valuable time? All I want is to be able to understand. Agreement is desired but optional. Differences in opinions, values, and beliefs are to be respected, and in some cases, even celebrated.

Just by reading the first two paragraphs, the average reader may conclude that I'm a cold, insensitive, uncaring, unreasonable, stubborn, and impatient perfectionist! All of this is true (and more) when I'm operating "in the flesh". Some would argue that I don't express my intense emotions enough when all I'm trying to do is apply the "fruits of the Spirit" such as meekness and temperance (self-control)! The Bible teaches to "speak the truth with love", and that's what I am striving for in times of frustration. This is the best alternative (option c) compared to options a and b, above.

Even as a child, I would "preach": "Don't expect, just accept." This is hard to apply in communication, especially when clear, concise communication (no hinting, please!!!) is very important to you. The process is broken when feedback (specifically, quality feedback) is not present. Therefore, quality communication calls for quality and timely feedback, hence the "expectation".

I'm not one to readily communicate openly to others (if at all). For me, open communication, i.e. deep, meaningful conversation, is a form of giving. Using that premise, I must therefore apply the principle of giving unconditionally. Does this mean I should then continue to openly communicate without expecting any feedback of some sort? If so, the same average reader can now also call me self-centered and inconsiderate. In such cases, one is inclined to question if one's presence was appreciated in the first place, which breeds an internal dialogue that may lead to broken relationships that have no real closure.

This is very humbling at best. I then ask God for a gift of "discernment" so that I know that the words I communicate are truly helping (vs. hurting or annoying) the recipient. The Bible teaches that "a word spoken in due season is good"; which means that even a good word spoken at the wrong time could be useless or even harmful.

A good lesson can be learned here:
If quality and timely feedback is to be expected, then the sender of the message must first carefully ensure that the message being transmitted is also timely and of high quality.

Garbage in, garbage out. What kind of message are you sending? Evaluate the type of feedback you have been receiving. Chances are, it only reflects the type of message you sent out in the first place. What you sow, you reap. Anything positive beyond that is exceptional and is therefore called "grace". In this context, grace is defined as "getting what you don't deserve." In essence, don't expect any more than what you put in.

"Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer." Psalm 19:14

So, are you ready for a second chance??? Thank God He's a God of "Second Chance", as one beautiful song puts it.