Reconnecting

To my very close friends, I'm an open book. Everyone else thinks my life is a mystery--more like, they think it's a mystery how I've always managed to stay away from the radar! While I have always sincerely loved and cared for my closest friends and family, they all know (and hopefully understand by now) that I tend to disconnect and vanish every once in a while. The cool thing is, each time we reconnect, we pick right back up where we left off.

My first major vanishing act was when I got married in 2001. I had moved to a completely different place and pretty much knew no one except for my cousin who happened to be the matchmaker whom I ended up alienating (by God's grace, our relationship had been restored). I told no one in my past that I had gotten married; I just never felt a need to tell anyone because I did not want to "hear it" from them! Deep down inside, I knew something bad was going to happen. I convinced myself that if ever I were to fail, it would not matter because nobody knew. An obvious by-product of my sinful, prideful, and spontaneous nature.

A year later, I finally agreed to tell a few key people that I had gotten married. After all, I was getting ready to give birth to our first son, Diego. By then, the marriage had already fallen apart, but I decided to keep that to myself. It took me a while to seek help from my mom and Pastor. From there, I began to re-establish my walk with the Lord even in the midst of daily adversity at home, in the years to come. While it truly was not easy, I found complete shelter under God's wing and managed to face the last few battles with joy in my heart. Four years later, God removed me from such harsh conditions and allowed me to experience His love, mercy, and grace along the way.

This was 3 years ago. I've detached myself once again since that time. Many of my close friends and family have not yet been informed of my divorce. While I don't intend to conceal the matter, I just never thought there was sufficient reason to share my life story, unless asked. Even then, I'd find myself ignoring and deleting such email "inquiries" whenever I'm not in the mood. My poor mother and brother would always have to put up with redirected phone calls and emails about me. Thank you, mom and Jacob, for (almost) never complaining.

Last month, a friend encouraged me to start blogging. Great, now I'm sharing my life story with the world wide web!!! As a result, I've learned to start opening up a bit to others. Baby steps!!! This is certainly a new facet of my life that I've just begun to explore. Indeed, it makes me feel weird at times, but for the most part, it has been "healthy".

As I now begin learning how to divulge information to my closest friends and family beyond "what's up", guess what I get?! I get laughed at, I mean LAUGHED AT, with all caps: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA" (especially from my brothers)! No wonder why I had never told them anything "deep" when I was growing up! I hated it each time they made fun of me, because that was actually MY job :)

Needless to say, I found myself laughing out loud with them today. It's not so bad after all! Besides, I know they're just laughing because they're simply adjusting to a different side of me which I had never revealed to them before. What can I say, it's just part of relationship building! They're just happy to be a part of my life again, and that they can finally be a "big brother". So, laugh it up, guys! Hopefully this time, I'll stay in touch.