Who are the most influential people in your life? How have they shaped who and what has become of you?
My top 2 are the ones with whom I've had a love-hate relationship. Being naturally stubborn, God knows that I must go through extreme conditions before I actually start to consider paying attention.
1. My Mother
I love her dearly. I felt quite the opposite while growing up, though. All the way through my teenage years, I had always thought she loved my brother more than me, no matter how hard I tried. Our love languages were very different: I wanted quality time, she wanted acts of service. The more I felt the lack of time and interest invested in me, the less motivated I was to do anything for her to the point that I did not want to have anything to do with her. One of her other love languages are physical touch, but due to my resentment, I would not let her touch me or even be near me. I felt she would always shut me out whenever I wanted her to listen to simply understand (not accept) my point of view, and any expression of sentiment or strong emotion was never well accepted. I could never understand why she would spend more time with my brother in encouraging him to do well academically and cheering him on if he'd simply pass. At the early age of 5, she would allow me to spend countless hours doing lots of reading in advance on my own, and authorized me to forge her signature (and dad's) whenever I finished, because she trusted that I knew what I was doing (I laugh about this now).
Result #1: My mom taught me how to be independent and "emotionally detached".
My dad, on the other hand, spent lots of time with me. He would always challenge my brain. As soon as I turned 6, he challenged me to know the shapes of each state on the map, close my eyes, and identify its capital. By age 7, I mastered 3-digit multiplication and division, thanks to my dad. He would always throw one-on-one impromptu Bible quizzes, while my mom had me memorizing Scripture at age 3 and recorded several sessions (she still plays the tape to this day...yikes)! This is something I do not like to talk about as I do not want to fall into any one of the following categories: geek, nerd, or dork! LOL.
Sadly, my dad passed away when I was 12 (well, he was born in 1907). I was crushed but did not show it. I was allowed to forget about school for 3 months, so that I could "heal". Now this is what I like about my mom: she believed in me enough that she entrusted me with a monthly allowance by age 10, and gave me some capital when I was 12 to start my own business just to get my mind off things. It was then when I learned how to gracefully let go of employees who demanded payment upfront before services were rendered (well, they were only 11 and 13 years old), so I resorted to outsourcing the function while yielding the same profit with fewer headaches. I acted as a supplier to our school's snack shop...how fun, I'd end up eating some of the snacks before they were even delivered! The best part: my delivery boy was my very own brother! This venture ended when the school called me back because of a regional/national competition. That summer, however, my mom gave me some more capital to fund a little bookstore/gift shop for the school. I learned how to negotiate wholesale prices with grown-up's, manage inventory, and monitor profitability. Unfortunately, we were always at breakeven because the students knew how to tickle mom's ear whenever it was their "birthday". Yeah, right! I tendered my resignation, and my mom donated the supplies to the school. It was fun while it lasted.
Result #2: My mom enabled, empowered, and encouraged me to try out new things to discover my true potential.
2. My Ex-Husband
He has brought out the best and worst in me. I was so sheltered growing up, and was never exposed to how harsh the world truly was, until I met him. At the same time, I've never been showered with so much time, attention, and gifts to the extent that I felt like living in a cemetery with all the vases and flowers I've collected!
Result #3: I learned how to love and let go, or to "let go and let God".
Unfortunately, he allowed himself to become consumed with all sorts of addiction and abuse, which then led to violence. Verbal at first, and as soon as it got physical, I had no choice but to protect myself, Diego, and the child in my womb. While I no longer love him as a spouse, I still have the utmost compassion for him, and I hope that one day, he will allow God to work in his life. I no longer want to be directly part of the process, however, as we both have not been able to grow this way.
God really dealt with me while I was married. It was then when I began to see and appreciate the people who truly loved me: my immediate family. God proved to me then that my mom truly loved me, in her own way. My mom and I began to spend quality time together, in discussing things relating to spiritual (vs. emotional) growth. While she did not agree with my decision to marry him, she still gave me her full spiritual support while I was going through emotional hardship. She did not condemn me and left an open door to listen to me and guide me, according to the Scriptures. At the same time, I learned how to humble myself and approach my Pastor for help. This marked the beginning of my spiritual growth.
Result #4: I learned how to be humble, to rely solely on God and not myself, and to appreciate others. At the same time, God vindicated my mom!
As I ponder on the things that had taken place in my life, I can clearly see how God is so gracious and merciful that He can use even the most negative situations to bring about blessings for His glory. So, when times are tough, don't give up. Simply call upon the Lord and He will deliver you in due time. Meanwhile, keep trusting Him, even when the path seems dim. Things happen for a reason, we may not understand the BIG WHY right away, and we may never find out while we're on this earth. But one thing is for sure, God knows best, and we can count on Him, always!
Next time, I shall try to blog about the other blessings I received from the Lord while undergoing the same affliction. The purpose of such is to show how great God is, because I am so unworthy of such blessings.
