The 2 Most Influential People In My Life

Who are the most influential people in your life? How have they shaped who and what has become of you?

My top 2 are the ones with whom I've had a love-hate relationship. Being naturally stubborn, God knows that I must go through extreme conditions before I actually start to consider paying attention.

1. My Mother

I love her dearly. I felt quite the opposite while growing up, though. All the way through my teenage years, I had always thought she loved my brother more than me, no matter how hard I tried. Our love languages were very different: I wanted quality time, she wanted acts of service. The more I felt the lack of time and interest invested in me, the less motivated I was to do anything for her to the point that I did not want to have anything to do with her. One of her other love languages are physical touch, but due to my resentment, I would not let her touch me or even be near me. I felt she would always shut me out whenever I wanted her to listen to simply understand (not accept) my point of view, and any expression of sentiment or strong emotion was never well accepted. I could never understand why she would spend more time with my brother in encouraging him to do well academically and cheering him on if he'd simply pass. At the early age of 5, she would allow me to spend countless hours doing lots of reading in advance on my own, and authorized me to forge her signature (and dad's) whenever I finished, because she trusted that I knew what I was doing (I laugh about this now).

Result #1: My mom taught me how to be independent and "emotionally detached".

My dad, on the other hand, spent lots of time with me. He would always challenge my brain. As soon as I turned 6, he challenged me to know the shapes of each state on the map, close my eyes, and identify its capital. By age 7, I mastered 3-digit multiplication and division, thanks to my dad. He would always throw one-on-one impromptu Bible quizzes, while my mom had me memorizing Scripture at age 3 and recorded several sessions (she still plays the tape to this day...yikes)! This is something I do not like to talk about as I do not want to fall into any one of the following categories: geek, nerd, or dork! LOL.

Sadly, my dad passed away when I was 12 (well, he was born in 1907). I was crushed but did not show it. I was allowed to forget about school for 3 months, so that I could "heal". Now this is what I like about my mom: she believed in me enough that she entrusted me with a monthly allowance by age 10, and gave me some capital when I was 12 to start my own business just to get my mind off things. It was then when I learned how to gracefully let go of employees who demanded payment upfront before services were rendered (well, they were only 11 and 13 years old), so I resorted to outsourcing the function while yielding the same profit with fewer headaches. I acted as a supplier to our school's snack shop...how fun, I'd end up eating some of the snacks before they were even delivered! The best part: my delivery boy was my very own brother! This venture ended when the school called me back because of a regional/national competition. That summer, however, my mom gave me some more capital to fund a little bookstore/gift shop for the school. I learned how to negotiate wholesale prices with grown-up's, manage inventory, and monitor profitability. Unfortunately, we were always at breakeven because the students knew how to tickle mom's ear whenever it was their "birthday". Yeah, right! I tendered my resignation, and my mom donated the supplies to the school. It was fun while it lasted.

Result #2: My mom enabled, empowered, and encouraged me to try out new things to discover my true potential.

2. My Ex-Husband

He has brought out the best and worst in me. I was so sheltered growing up, and was never exposed to how harsh the world truly was, until I met him. At the same time, I've never been showered with so much time, attention, and gifts to the extent that I felt like living in a cemetery with all the vases and flowers I've collected!

Result #3: I learned how to love and let go, or to "let go and let God".

Unfortunately, he allowed himself to become consumed with all sorts of addiction and abuse, which then led to violence. Verbal at first, and as soon as it got physical, I had no choice but to protect myself, Diego, and the child in my womb. While I no longer love him as a spouse, I still have the utmost compassion for him, and I hope that one day, he will allow God to work in his life. I no longer want to be directly part of the process, however, as we both have not been able to grow this way.

God really dealt with me while I was married. It was then when I began to see and appreciate the people who truly loved me: my immediate family. God proved to me then that my mom truly loved me, in her own way. My mom and I began to spend quality time together, in discussing things relating to spiritual (vs. emotional) growth. While she did not agree with my decision to marry him, she still gave me her full spiritual support while I was going through emotional hardship. She did not condemn me and left an open door to listen to me and guide me, according to the Scriptures. At the same time, I learned how to humble myself and approach my Pastor for help. This marked the beginning of my spiritual growth.

Result #4: I learned how to be humble, to rely solely on God and not myself, and to appreciate others. At the same time, God vindicated my mom!

As I ponder on the things that had taken place in my life, I can clearly see how God is so gracious and merciful that He can use even the most negative situations to bring about blessings for His glory. So, when times are tough, don't give up. Simply call upon the Lord and He will deliver you in due time. Meanwhile, keep trusting Him, even when the path seems dim. Things happen for a reason, we may not understand the BIG WHY right away, and we may never find out while we're on this earth. But one thing is for sure, God knows best, and we can count on Him, always!

Next time, I shall try to blog about the other blessings I received from the Lord while undergoing the same affliction. The purpose of such is to show how great God is, because I am so unworthy of such blessings.

Sources of Wisdom

Wilmington writes:
"Sometimes experience is not the best teacher, for the tuition is too expensive."

In Bible College, we're currently studying the Hebrew Wisdom Literature, and I don't need to be reminded about Finals tonight. I thought I'd post the Sources of Wisdom, as this is something definitely worth revisiting on a regular basis.

"Happy [is] the man [that] findeth wisdom, and the man [that] getteth understanding. For the merchandise of it [is] better than the merchandise of silver, and the gain thereof than fine gold. She [is] more precious than rubies: and all the things thou canst desire are not to be compared unto her." Proverbs 3:13-15 KJV

The Sources of Wisdom:

The Word of God
Listening to instruction, learning from discipline, and submitting to rules
Heeding our parents
Learning from wise counsel
Accepting rebuke
Seeking wise advice
Humility
Learning from criticism
Prayer
Seeking the Lord and forsaking evil. A man’s morality will always determine his philosophy.
The fear of the Lord

"Wisdom [is] the principal thing; [therefore] get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding." Proverbs 4:7 KJV

Words of Strength

I finally discovered who's my "secret sister" in church: our Pastor's mother-in-law. She's the best secret sister, ever! God made me join this program for a reason: He knew I was about to face yet another challenging chapter in my life, and I needed a support group to pray for me. Aside from knowing that someone was praying for me, I also received cool gifts from Donna Schank that warmed my heart (note to all those who are close to me: yes, I do have a heart).

She recently gave me a devotional book by Max Lucado. Today, I read about "Words of Strength".

"When you talk, do not say harmful things, but say what people need--words that will help others become stronger." Ephesians 4:29

Mondays are usually a drag for me...emotionally, mentally, and physically. I felt like complaining today: about my job, finals tomorrow, filing my taxes late, and power-cleaning my house because I have guests arriving this weekend (again). I'm just too tired! I keep forgetting about the Source of my strength, which is the Lord.

Then, I receive an email from one of my relatives. I am then reminded of at least 3 prayer requests that I must focus on tonight, thus relieving me of my apparent self-centeredness:

1. One of my relatives' in-laws will be undergoing gamma knife surgery to remove the malformation found in the brain. Super high risk.
2. My dear friend received abnormal results from her most recent ultrasound, and the baby in her womb may be born with Down Syndrome.
3. My friend's mother is having knee replacement surgery done tomorrow. This is a lot of work, especially post-surgery.

I have identified at least 3 families who need words of strength and encouragement. Believe it or not, I find myself at a loss for words at times. Sometimes (in such cases), it's much better to just stay quiet and silently pray for people in need.

"A word fitly spoken [is like] apples of gold in pictures of silver." Proverbs 25:11 KJV

Lord, thank You for reminding me that there are others who need Your attention more than myself. May You use me to intercede for them in prayer in this great time of need.

"He's Still Workin' On Me!"

In the last few days, I've been waking up in the wee hours of the morning. My mom would always explain it's because a) God wants to speak to you, b) someone is thinking of you, or c) both.

I tend to dismiss b and c (because it's beyond my control), hence narrowing the results to: "God wants to speak to me." I have 2 options:

1. Study for my Finals on Tuesday - the Books of Wisdom (Bible College)
2. Reflect upon God's Word (and maybe update my blog)

Naturally, I picked Option 2, because I still have one more day to study for my test :)

Last night in church, I finally decided on the amount that I would give to our Faith Promise/Missions Offering each week/month, from April 2008 - April 2009. Every year, I'd be excited about the principle: When God places it in your heart, it's a done deal! Lately, however, I could not quite seem to identify what He wants me to do with this year's commitment. The same is true with my personal finances: I have always been very decisive about when and where to allocate my funds. All of a sudden, I feel as if everything has been brought to a standstill.

"Be still, and know that I [am] God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10 KJV

"Seek ye the LORD while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near:" Isaiah 55:6 KJV

Then the Lord reminded me about how He spoke to Elijah:

"And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the LORD. And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; [but] the LORD [was] not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; [but] the LORD [was] not in the earthquake: And after the earthquake a fire; [but] the LORD [was] not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice." 1 Kings 19:11,12 KJV

Is God speaking to me in a still, small voice? First, I'd like to humbly ask God to forgive me for any sin that is hindering me from hearing His voice. Second, I want to seek and call upon Him while He may be found.

God is preparing me for something; I'm not quite sure what it is yet.

Recently, I've been having some thoughts about the possibility that God may be calling me to the mission field. I've since been battling Satan's whispers that God cannot use me in such a capacity due to my past failures in making the right decisions in my life. In Sunday School today, the lesson was about learning how to forgive ourselves, not just others.

Just now, God's Spirit led me to this passage: Isaiah 6:5-8 KJV

Then said I, Woe [is] me! for I am undone; because I [am] a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips: for mine eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts.

Then flew one of the seraphims unto me, having a live coal in his hand, [which] he had taken with the tongs from off the altar:

And he laid [it] upon my mouth, and said, Lo, this hath touched thy lips; and thine iniquity is taken away, and thy sin purged.

Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here [am] I; send me."

While I have numerous commitments and obligations currently, I am clearly aware that I must be fully surrendered to God's will. I can always look back to the time when I left Hawaii: I had at least 10 things to consider, but God took care of all of my requests, and more!

If God so chooses to send me elsewhere to serve Him, so be it. "Here am I, Lord; send me."

I've always wanted to go on a Missions Trip. In June, a few members of our church will be going to Kenya for 10 days. I really wanted to go, but the timing does not seem right. In the fall, our church may have another opportunity: Ecuador. My brain quickly started processing: Jim Elliot...Ed McCully...et al... Auca Indians...Cannibalism... While fear was unquestionably present, I've always been fascinated with these missionaries' heroic attempt to serve the Lord, since I was 7. (Side note: I can't believe this was 20 years ago! I am so in my "mid-post 20's"!!! Here's a secret to feeling young: surround yourself with older folks! Besides, you'll not only feel a lot younger; you'll also gain a lot of wisdom!)

As I conclude this article, I'm still "seeking direction" from the Lord. I'll end with a song that I learned at the age of 7. Must I keep reminding myself that this was 20 years ago???

He's still working on me
To make me what I ought to be
It took Him just a week to make the moon and stars
The Sun and the Earth and Jupiter and Mars
How loving and patient He must be
He's still working on me!

There really ought to be
A sign upon my heart
Don't judge me yet
There's an unfinished part
But I'll be ready just according to His plan
Fashioned by the Master's loving Hand

The mirror of His Word
Reflections that I see
Make me wonder why He never gave up on me
But He loves me as I am
And helps me when I pray
Remember He's the Potter, I'm the clay.

I wrote this from memory. My terror of a teacher, Miss Buenaventura, ensured that we knew every single word; her efforts have clearly paid off (so Teachers, never give up). Not only did we win first place as we (Kisses, Ephraim, and I) had sung this song at a local/regional school competition, but the words still impact me to this day.

If you're reading this and you happen to know the lyrics of the song, please email me if I messed it up...unless you happen to be my teacher! :)

Feels like Aloha (almost)

Minus the luau.

Off-Track

A spur-of-the-moment decision at 6:00PM led us to go to Disney today to check out Epcot's International Flower and Garden Festival. The place was packed! We were welcomed with a (somewhat) Hawaiian theme--Disney style--with Hawaii Five-O music playing in the background. Even my all-time favorite Disney character, Pluto, was wearing a lei!
I could not help but notice the difference between what I saw today and what I've seen in the past few years. Aside from having a significantly less elaborate decor and lighting, you can no longer make your own robot at Innoventions and the Japanese Food Kiosk at the World Showcase no longer exists. These are the 2 main reasons why I'd visit Epcot, aside from the fireworks. Earlier this year, Disney revisited its staffing contracts; I'm pretty sure the Company also revisited other areas in an effort to reduce cost in today's economy. Besides, the kids wouldn't know the difference!
As a company must continuously seek ways to improve especially during a weakening economy in order to thrive or survive, so must a wise servant of God revisit all aspects of his/her life in today's society in order to "quench the fiery darts of the devil" (Ephesians 6:16 KJV).

"Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if [there be any] wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139:23, 24 KJV

"Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me [with thy] free spirit. [Then] will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee." Psalm 51:10-13 KJV

Obviously, society is not getting any better. As Christians, it is even more detrimental nowadays to be outside the center of God's will, or simply put, off-track. We often fail to see the long-term effect(s) of our wrong decisions as it impacts not only ourselves but those who are close to us, those who we work so hard to provide for, protect, and love.

At Epcot, my kids (not I) have established certain "rest areas". I have never really understood this, given that I'm the one who pushes the stroller, and all they have to do is sit, watch, and eat. One of their favorite stops is the mini train station. They watch with glee while I find myself slowly getting hypnotized by the repetitive sound and movement of the trains. Today, however, something broke that repetitive pattern: a train gets off-track! While this poor train falls to the side with its engine still running, all the other trains pass him up and continue on their journey to fulfil their purpose. Suddenly, I remembered a message our Pastor in Hawaii preached. That is, God intends to freely bless His children each day.

"Blessed [be] the Lord, [who] daily loadeth us [with benefits, even] the God of our salvation. Selah." Psalm 68:19 KJV

He likened a Christian to a train. God continually pours blessings and the train keeps receiving such blessings, as long as it is on the train track. In the event that the train gets off-track, God will still continue to pour blessings but the train will no longer be in the position to receive them. At some point, the train may be able to get back on track and start receiving God's blessings all over again. However, the train will never be able to regain all the other blessings that it has missed out on, while it was off-track.

Satan always uses the same tricks to make the world seem very enticing. As Christians, we have already experienced God's great blessings; yet, we tend to forget that He has so much more to offer! It's easy to get tempted and get off-track, but is it really worth it?

Temporary satisfaction (with lingering negative effects) vs. eternal gain? My Bible College Instructor painted a great illustration: Advertisers associate alcohol with attractive men and women having (worldy) fun. It's a brilliant way to shape and convince the minds of consumers that alcohol is therefore fun. No wonder why companies invest millions of dollars in advertising, annually. What if advertisers showed the real, long-term effects of alcohol? Picture a drunk driver, killing an innocent victim on the road, thereby changing the lives of that victim's family, forever. Imagine a drunken father coming home, beating his wife and molesting his very own little daughter. Then, picture that little girl growing up, thinking very little of herself, and ending up on the streets, a prostitute. Think of that girl getting pregnant, and bearing an innocent child into this world, with AIDS. My jaw dropped as our Instructor went on and on.

Sadly, it does not take much to influence people nowadays, so it is very important to ensure that you are grounded on a very firm foundation, Jesus Christ. Stay rooted and grounded, so that you don't get off-track. When tempted to look in other directions, remember to look "up".

"Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of [our] faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds." Hebrews 12:2,3 KJV

While our trip to Disney today wasn't necessarily the most pleasant, I can still be thankful and praise God that He had embedded a great lesson in that seemingly boring mini train station.

Once again, I remember Glenn Furuya (http://www.leadershipworks.com/) teaching that "Life only gives you gifts and lessons." Today, I was reminded that lessons come in many different forms: some come right at you, some are buried beneath the surface waiting to be discovered. Allow God's Spirit to help you uncover some of these valuable lessons. It's like discovering a diamond in the rough! Priceless.

Why Am I Here?

I miss Hawaii. I miss my brother and his family. I miss Ohana Baptist Church (http://www.obchurch.org/). I miss Kaiser Permanente. I miss my parking stall. I miss my local friends. I miss spam musubi. I miss Maui Onion chips. I miss chocolate macadamia nuts. I miss furikake. I miss Korean long rice. I miss Kona-coffee-flavored pancakes at the Aloha Tower. I miss the Pearl Harbor Commissary. I miss Jamba Juice (flavor: Carribbean Passion). I miss the beach. I miss the Hilton Waikoloa Village. Enough said, I am homesick! It finally hit me, one year later.

October 17, 2006: Gabriel turned 1. On that day, God made it clear that He wanted us to move to Orlando. My step dad's health has deteriorated, and so has my mom's. She could no longer solely take care of him, and his son (who lives in Winter Park, FL) offered to help out if they were to move here. The deal: my mom will not move if I did not come with her! My initial reaction was, of course, a worldly one, and mainly consisted of 10 things:

1) I have not finished remodeling my first condo. I'm just getting started!
2) I just bought another condo a month ago.
3) I just signed off a contract to purchase a pre-construction home in Mililani Mauka
4) I just got a new SUV
5) I love my vacation/dream job at Kaiser Permanente as a Management Consultant
6) My childcare arrangements can't be beat
7) I'm plugged in @ my church: teaching K4-K5 and playing the piano
8) I just started attending Bible college
9) I just made a 12-month commitment towards our church Building Fund. How can I meet this pledge if I don't even know where I'll be working in 2007 and what my salary would be?
10) How will I be able to meet all of my financial obligations in Hawaii while working in the Orlando market?

This was followed by self-centered, worldly reasoning: "What's in it for me" in Orlando?

• He's not my real dad (I'm a daddy's girl and my real dad passed away when I was only 12).
• What's so good about Orlando? Free Disney passes and cheaper real estate. That's it?

I asked the Lord for 60 days to make His plan clear to me.

"I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye." Psalm 32:8 KJV

God's answer was clear: GO!

Hence, the question: When, Lord? I asked for 30 days to prepare for the move, and requested for the following conditions:

To be able to live, work, and play within a 1-2 mile radius.

God miraculously answered my prayers!

1) My condo remodeling project ended in January. I found a great renter: our Chuukese Pastor and his family.
2) I found a reliable renter and potential buyer for my other condo: our church's IT guy who's married to Diego's K-3 teacher.
3) I was able to back out on the offer to purchase the pre-construction home with no penalty
4) I was able to ship out my SUV at half the price.
5) I landed a job at AppleOne (5 minutes away from home).
6) My mom agreed to babysit Gabriel for free!
7) I also got plugged in into Palm Springs Drive Baptist Church (http://www.psdbc.net/) in the following ministries: Junior Church, Vacation Bible School (VBS), and a potential backup piano player (though I dislike reading notes and play by ear).
8) I found the same Bible college courses being offered by a church in Kissimmee.
9) I was able to meet our church's Building Fund pledge within 12 months, regardless if my salary had been cut in half.
10) God has faithfully enabled me to fulfill all of my financial obligations.

God answered all 10 requests and granted my request to live, work, and play within less than a 2-mile radius!!! Yeah! Wait, there's more:

• Round-trip tickets from Honolulu to Orlando were at an all-time low in February, confirming that God wanted us to leave on that month. Price: $289.00 pp
• My Hilton and Wyndham timeshares were available for a total of 6 weeks within one week's notice.
• Kaiser Permanente granted me 2 additional months of full pay while searching for a new job in Orlando. Sweet.
• God made a way for me to lease a resort-like, lakefront apartment without currently holding a job, within a day's notice!
• God gave me my first home in Florida, a few months later (also within my 1-2 mile radius)

As I look back, I humbly ask God to forgive me for still complaining, and not appreciating all of the things that He had prepared for me on a silver platter! Earlier on, I would hide in my walk-in closet crying and asking God why He had uprooted me. I was unsure about the new church, the new job, and living under the same roof with my parents!!! Transition is not always easy by default.

Spectators (believers and unbelievers) asked me for a logical explanation regarding this big move. I had none. It truly did not make any sense, from a worldly point of view. However, I was determined to follow God wherever He wanted to lead me.

Before the move, I claimed His promise: He will supply my every need.

"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippinas 4:19 KJV

I was given more than enough to sustain me.

After the move, I needed the following reminder: Be content.

"[Let your] conversation [be] without covetousness; [and be] content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." Hebrews 13:5 KJV

"Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, [therewith] to be content." Philippians 4:11 KJV

And I can always use another reminder: Be thankful, always.

"In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." 1 Thessalonians 5:18 KJV

As I said: today, I am homesick. No doubt about that. On top of that, my mom announces that she is planning to leave Orlando in September of this year, if it is the Lord's will. If not for God's leading to confirm our decision to leave Hawaii, I would be very resentful of the current situation. I could easily argue about the only reason why I am here: that is, to honor my mom's request. And now, she plans to leave? In my finite mind, I feel that there is no longer a reason for me to stay in Florida. After all, I am homesick, right?

I do not have an answer right now. However, I do know what to do:

"Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:5,6 KJV

And remember:

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose. " Romans 8:28 KJV

So, what should I do the next time I feel homesick and confused?
1) Remember what God has done in my life: count His many blessings!
2) Claim His promise that He shall supply all of my needs.
3) Learn to be content.
4) Remember to be thankful at all times.
5) Trust in the Lord and acknowledge Him in all things.
6) Remember Romans 8:28.

Oh, I would like to squeeze in a few extra steps...

My Immediate Action Plan:
1) Call my brother
2) Lovingly demand for a late birthday gift (it's been in the mail since I was 16!)
3) Create a list of local foods that I miss
4) Give him a big virtual hug from a bratty little sister

Okay, I feel much better now :)

Spring Cleaning

Yesterday, I quickly made a decision to "clean house" by getting rid of things that would create any sad or negative emotions toward my ex-husband. I found myself boxing things up at 2:00AM, while begging for God's strength. I asked God to keep me from making that spiteful phone call to explain the BIG WHY, as I have a tendency to get angry and sin, at the same time. I totally knew that applying "a soft answer that turneth away wrath" was not possible at the moment. Therefore, I decided to keep a "meek and quiet spirit". Scripture says:

"Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:" Ephesians 4:26 KJV

I resorted to return all communication devices first thing in the morning. I was fighting with my emotions just before taking that trip to the post office; however, I remained firm with my decision. As I opened my drawer to get my car keys, I saw an email that I had printed out. A week ago, I had asked a friend to pray for me, as I was getting ready to face this week's "battle". Apparently, I had printed out the email that contained a prayer and left it in my drawer. What a way for God to speak to me, when I chose not to share this decision with anyone! I truly believe that God led me to unconsciously print and tuck away that prayer so that it would affect me at the right place at the right time! God's timing is always so perfect!

"A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word [spoken] in due season, how good [is it]!" Proverbs 15:23 KJV

I successfully mailed the box with no reservations. God knows I cannot do this alone. I can see His hand in this endeavor as I saw Him use but an old email to speak to me and move me. God is great!!!

A New Beginning

I have never blogged before, and I have always avoided journaling. Pausing for a moment--worse yet, writing everything that just took place, not to mention my thoughts, feelings, and emotions--has always been beyond my comprehension and perceived as a great waste of my time. At Leadershipworks in Hawaii, Glenn Furuya teaches that one must "go slow to go fast".

After 27 years, I have finally learned how to "pause", today. It helps me re-evaluate the steps I had taken and course-correct quickly, so as not to end up in the same predicament, by God's grace. Three years ago, I had no choice but to leave a very bad marriage while 3 months pregnant. These were the years when I started to truly experience God and witness His faithfulness way beyond my finite imagination (I shall be blogging about these, separately). All I had to do was trust Him, and He did the rest. He even took care of the little things as I humbly asked Him to deliver me from the consequences of my own disobedience in being "unequally yoked together with an unbeliever".

As I moved on with life thinking that I had completely put the past way behind me, I started to feel good about myself, again. Having stayed away from dating anyone and/or hanging out with the wrong crowd, I figured I should just enjoy life a little by following my own spontaneous and adventurous spirit by taking a trip to Beverly Hills and meeting up with some of my good old friends. Without much prayer and thought, and contrary to my mom's advice, I headed out to California for the weekend, with my 2 boys (ages 5 and 2). What was I thinking this past January? What a way to start the New Year by embracing my stubborn self!

And off to a bad start: I started feeling very ill on the very first day, Saturday. The plan was to meet up with Donna, so she can take us to her church the very next day. The sudden deterioriation of my health, coupled with harsh weather, prevented me from seeing Donna that day. After taking some Tylenol, I checked in at the Beverly Hilton on Sunday morning, wishing I could still make it to church. There I was, outside of God's geographical will.

It was then when I had received a very unexpected phone call. My ex-husband had gotten sent home early from the war, and of all places, he was "in the area". After an unpleasant conversation, I started to feel excruciating pain in my back that warranted a trip to the nearest Emergency Room at Cedars-Sinai. Donna came to my rescue, however, I needed someone to take care of my 2 boys at least through Monday, if I were to get admitted. I had to swallow my pride and call their father to help out. From there, our lines of communication had been re-established.

While I had never hoped or prayed for this, we both found ourselves talking about reconciliation weeks later as he claimed a renewed relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. After all, all I had ever wanted for him while we were married was to abide in Christ's love so that we can be a complete family in the Lord. When the marriage was over, I prayed that I'd never remarry or date anyone again unless He hit me with a 2x4!

After only a very short period of time, the relationship yet again started to come to an end. As a result, I started increasing my "quiet time" with the Lord each morning so that He can help deliver me from the consequences of my own disobedience, again. I believe that back in California, I was at the wrong place, at the wrong time. Anger and bitterness started to creep in, and such strong negative feelings consumed me greatly. It began to hinder my walk with the Lord and it affected my relationship with my children.

As I paused for quite some time today, I have asked the Lord to help me in the following areas:

Identify my sin, cast them all at His feet, and forgive others.
"Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." Ephesians 4:31, 32 KJV

Trust in the Lord to order my steps.
"The steps of a [good] man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth [him with] his hand." Psalm 37:23, 24 KJV

Be a good mother and example to my 2 children, Diego and Gabriel.
"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth." 3 John 4 KJV

Never in my life did I have the opportunity to firmly end a relationship on my own. Within a span of 5 years, I had married and divorced my first and only boyfriend, sadly with the aid of law enforcement. My previous attempts this month to put an end to my emotional affliction have been futile. Such bondage has stunted my spiritual growth and my newly-discovered desire to minister to female teenagers who may be faced with a similar situation.

Lord, I fully surrender my will to You, today. I cannot do this on my own. I cast all of my anger, bitterness, and negative actions at Your feet, so that You may search my heart and cleanse me from my sins. Order my steps and prepare me for Your service, for Your glory, so that I may be a living testimony to the children that You have entrusted with me. Enable me to be a good steward of Your many blessings so that I may effectively minister to my children and to others. Help them see only You in me so that they may be drawn closer to You. Thank You for another "second chance" at embracing a new beginning with You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

April has always been a very interesting month for me:

April 2000: College Graduation
April 2001: Got married
April 2002: Diego was born
April 2005: Marriage Ended (Divorce finalized a year later)
April 2007: New career in Orlando
April 2008: Another New Beginning

Should I start thinking about April 2009? Absolutely not in a negative sense. Matthew 6:34 (KJV) says:

"Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day [is] the evil thereof."

Therefore, each day I must:

Seek God first.
"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." Matthew 6:33 KJV

Have you ever read Psalm 37? Check it out. It may just be what you need to hear from the Lord today.

Praise God for His unfaltering Word!